What 2015 means to me

10:39 AM claire 0 Comments

Here's a personal post that hasn't been around in a while. I thank you guys for still visiting even though I don't blog as regularly anymore, and I think I owe you guys an explanation for sticking with me for so long. Well here goes!

The beginning of 2015 was a really painful one for me, and on some days, I would be doing work when my mind would suddenly drift a bit, and tears started flowing down my cheeks. Of course I would hastily wipe them away, lest my colleagues see and judge. Nights were especially torturing, because of my insomnia and even nightmares. Waking up was a drag. It was an emotional time for me, where I took to yoga, zumba and golf to distract myself as much as I could.

Of course, meeting up with close friends helped, they really tried to pull me out of my daze, to make me laugh again. I could only look forward to my US trip in March because there was nothing else to look forward to. It was a very short sighted goal. It was a necessary goal.

March came, I flew Delta Airlines for the first time and realised first-hand how painful it is to have an airport that is not efficient at all. Was forced to miss a flight, and after 20+ hours of travelling, that was not very pleasant! Apart from that initial encounter, my cousin's wedding in North Carolina was a blast, I saw the community she was in, her friends that she used to hang out with all the time (she moved to another state a couple of years back) and I loved how spontaneous and open-minded the Americans were. Even American Asians! At the wedding's after party held at my cousin's new place, we actually danced OUTSIDE on the patio, under some lights. It seemed like a fairytale. Someone actually asked me to dance barefoot. I tried but it was seriously too cold!

 I actually thought to myself, wow, I could live here. Even though I would have to drive out to get food, even if it's a world away from Singapore, even if I had to start from zero.

Flew to Boston to meet my friend Jimmy and his girlfriend Natalie. Jimmy is a dear friend of mine since NTU days and he's the same age as me but already bought his own HOUSE and is renting a few rooms out as extra income. I was seriously envious. Here in Singapore, we can't even afford a place of our own, and even if we could afford some of the newer HDB flats, we aren't able to buy them because we have to be 35 and above... We had some really amazing seafood, oysters and clam chowder (mmmm clam chowdah) and I really enjoyed just walking all around Boston, not knowing if we were heading in the right direction or not.

Until I caught a cold. Thank you for your prolonged, coldest winter in years, Boston.

New York was a bit of a downer for me with that runny/blocked nose and feeling tired all the time, but I really tried to visit all that I had set out to see. Clubs were absolutely craaazy. Seriously no inhibitions and people did whatever they wanted, some should just get a room and spare everyone else the trauma. In the club, guys actually tried chatting me up whenever I was alone! In Singaopre, they just dance behind you or suddenly grab you to dance with them. Sorry not interested lol.

Was in Soho shopping when I had people come up to me on the street saying "You're so pretty" or "Hello" and then walking away. Does that count as "cat-calling"? Anyway, there was one day I took a train alone into Brooklyn and thought I was going to get mugged. It was SO different.

Food was absolutely amazing in New York, apart from the occasional soup that I had to drink to warm myself from the cold. Chinese food portions are so big. I also found out that doctors are incredibly expensive here, and most people self-medicate. Problem is, the off-the-shelf medicine didn't help with my cold much, I think I was sick for 7 days.

Cycling in Central Park is something I would definitely recommend everyone try! Even though I was freezing I still did it, and went to feed the ducks (ala Blair Waldorf). Maybe that's why I didn't get better haha! By the end of the trip, I lost 1 side of a glove, 1 scarf and a hat. Well done at least I didn't lose anything super important. Please catch Book of Morman if you can it is hilarious!

The dream was over, I was back in Singapore. Back where I started, but more refreshed from the trip. I had tons of work to do which I totally immersed myself into. Had tons of deadlines to meet and things to learn since I was given more responsibility in certain areas. It was great.

Not long after, I met someone who made my heart race again, but it all felt one-sided. I think we had common interests and a natural curiosity for the world. It was great when we were together but when we were apart I just felt used. The signs were all there from the start but I chose to believe in the good of people. Needless to say, gut feelings are there for a reason, and I tore myself away. I still wonder what-if? But there would be no future with someone who is completely self-centered and un-compassionate. Knowing that only I feel the pain makes it easier to get over, somehow in its twisted logic.

As we approach the last 5 months of the year, I want to love myself more, to stop all this self-doubt and find something that makes me, me. The right one will come, eventually, when you're least expecting it. Until then, I will continue to do my best at work, at home, to be a great friend, colleague and family member.

I will be heading to KL for a business trip next week, with all the political instability going on, fingers crossed? Can't wait to head to Tokyo and Yokohama in a couple of weeks for my friend's wedding and a mini holiday! It seems like I am a much stronger person than I was at the beginning of the year, even though I don't look like it. Less tolerance to B*S* lol.

Thanks for all your support via tweets, emails or facebook, really appreciate them all :)

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